Friday, June 17, 2005

Slouching towards the 7th Arrondissement

The Defamer sums up the situation:
This morning, we read: “‘Yes I proposed to Kate last night … because it is very beautiful and romantic here,’ Cruise said, smiling and exchanging glances with Holmes, who was sitting in the audience. ‘I haven’t slept all night. It’s very exciting and very beautiful,’ Cruise said, adding he had proposed at the Eiffel Tower.”

Really, the Eiffel Fucking Tower? That guy needs better writers.

We assume that Cruise’s insomnia was brought about by the adrenaline rush he experienced from scaling the tower like the aforementioned, storied cinematic primate, and the rush of knowing that if the starlet clinging to his back for dear life failed to meet her obligation and accept his proposal, he would be well within his contractual rights to send her plummeting to her death.

We now gird ourselves for the hasty announcement of a tentative fake-wedding date, an US Weekly spread featuring Holmes shopping for a fake-wedding dress, and the total annihilation of everything that is good and holy.

It is done.