Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Where is Maureen Dowd when you need her?

There’s a brewing disturbance in the Force.

Thursday night at 7 p.m., the American Conservative Union is honoring Tom DeLay with a “gala dinner” at the Capital Hilton. Among those in attendance – Grover Norquist, David Keene, Gary Bauer and Brent Bozell.

Across town, “Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” is having its Washington premiere at exactly the same time. The attendees there include Carrie Fisher and Marian Wright Edelman of the Children's Defense Fund.

Though the “Sith” premiere guest list seems to have a typical Hollywood/liberal tilt, no doubt the simultaneity of these two events will cause conflicted feelings in the uppermost reaches of conservative Washington. If you (i.e., Dick Cheney) want to indulge your predeliction for the Dark Side, which event is better?

Power bases
Tom DeLay: House of Representatives; political money
Darth Vader: Galactic Empire; Dark Side of Force

Allies/Troops
DeLay: Grover Norquist, Jack Abramoff, K Street, House PAC recipients
Vader: Emperor, Boba Fett, Imperial Storm Troopers, droids

Enemies
DeLay: Activist judges
Vader: Rebel scum

Methods
DeLay: Redistricting; squeezing donors
Vader: Dismemberment; squeezing windpipes with mind

Weapons
DeLay: Closed rule, conference committee
Vader: Light saber, death star

Where it started to go wrong
DeLay: Lobbyist golf in Scotland
Vader: Han Solo in carbonite

Weaknesses
Both: Life support technology